I think a complementary pattern would be the
hardest to change. There is a circle to life and I know my grandmother HATES
the idea of having to move out of her house and in with my parents or one of us
grandchildren. The idea that she would have to let one of us take care of her
like a child mortifies her. When people take on a role and live it for an
extended period of time, changing roles is difficult. Humans are creatures of
habit, and although habits can be changed, we have to work very hard to change
them.
I think the complementary would be the worst
for a romantic relationship, or any friendship relationship. Relationships are
about compromise and sharing. If one person was in the one-up position in a
friendship it would not be a true friendship. If the person in the one-up
position did not belittle the other person I don’t think there is a self esteem
problem; however, if the person in the one-up position took advantage of the
situation, and treated the person in the one-down position as less then they
deserved, then yes, it could be potentially damaging to ones self-esteem.
I like how you say that "If one person was in the one-up position in a friendship it would not be a true friendship," because that is true. It is just the greater person who is one-upping all the time feeling better about themselves. Which is not a true friendship. What I tell people at work who are always trying to one up each other is that we are all here for the same reason, to work and better the place, so lets all be there for each other and at the end of the day ask ourselves if we accomplished the goal. I also say that at work though because there is a lot of drama, but that is a different story same subject of relationships though. Same goes for a relationship because you are both in it together and there is no reason to sabotage or try and be better. I have always found it is a lot better in the long run to work as a common collective.
ReplyDeleteYour grandma sounds like a happy and active lady.:) I also have similar view as you; in my opinion complementary pattern would be hardest to change and would be most destructive to a relationship. I think the one up person does not give the one down person a full chance to open up. If one takes control always, the one down also has a mind of their own, and eventually would tire of their relationship and break it off. Like the textbook pointed out there are situations when this relationship pattern is most fitting. An example would be a parent-child relationship or teacher-student relationship. But it's not the best choice for friendships.
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